how to release what depletes you
turning towards an energetic life
There’s something so agonizing about feeling trapped, especially when you know it’s all in your own head.
You know what you should be doing. You know the steps you should be taking, the little actions that will pave the way forward. You know you’re perfectly capable of taking those steps, that there’s no good reason to delay any longer, and yet…
What do you do instead? You scroll Twitter. You stare at the ceiling. You clean your apartment (again). You dilly dally. You do a bunch of things that you don’t even really like doing, and then you feel even worse.
I don’t know anyone who hasn’t experienced some form of this stuckness. It’s part of the human condition. But it’s also annoying as hell.
The result is a vicious spiral downwards, where we keep doing things that drain us of energy, and then we don’t have the energy to do the things we actually want to do, and so we do more of the things which are depleting, and… well, so on, so on.
Where we actually want to create is the opposite: a virtuous spiral upwards, where we focus on things which inspire us, giving us energy to take on bigger and bigger challenges, unlocking even more energy… it’s like a strong breeze carrying us up and up and up.
But in order to shift towards an energetic life, we need to release the things that deplete us. How do we do that?
The first thing to notice is that the things that deplete us have gravity. We don’t choose them freely. They pull us into old patterns, often without us noticing. That gravity is a product of fear.
Your nervous system has one primary goal: keep you alive. It has one primary method of doing so: keep doing the things that kept you alive before. Our biology has an incredible bias towards the familiar, because familiar = safe.
When our body is experiencing fear, that means our nervous system thinks we’re in danger. The fear says “get somewhere safe, now.” That translates to “get back to the familiar.”
So while your conscious mind might be protesting the thought of doomscrolling for another hour, your subconscious is delighted by the idea of an activity it knows is comfortable and secure.
Breaking out of a depleting pattern requires stepping towards fear. That means increasing the amount of tension in our body. We’re going against the directive of our nervous system, and we’re going to hear about it.
That tension will dissipate once the new pattern feels safe—once we’ve repeated it a few times. But at the start, it’s going to be there.
That tension might be very uncomfortable, almost unbearable. But we have a tool that can transform that tension from something unwelcome to something beautiful, and that tool is presence.
Humans are social animals, and so the most peaceful experience possible for us is attunement with another human being. Unfortunately, attunement with others isn’t always available, but your subconscious can’t really tell the difference between attunement-with-self and attunement-with-others.
Which means… if we’re able to be present and curious with the tension in our body, without trying to fight it or “fix” it or “solve” it, our experience transforms. Suddenly, the tension becomes almost pleasurable, as an opportunity to “be with” ourselves.
This process does take a bit of practice, but once you’ve found it, you’ll know. It’s the deeply satisfying sense of “I am stepping into fear, but I am not alone—I have my own back.”
Once we’ve unlocked that feeling, then it becomes easier and easier to break out of these draining patterns. Attunement-to-self is an energizing process, so the moment we begin noticing what we’re feeling, we’re stepping away from depletion. We’ve instantly liberated ourselves from stuckness.
From there, it’s just about practice and repetition: stepping towards fear, allowing the tension in our body, welcoming it, being with it… and allowing the resulting energy to carry us forwards.
With love & appreciation,
Scott
P.S. if you’d like help & support in learning how to transform the depleting patterns in your creative life, check out my 1:1 coaching. 🍊
Very well put, thank you - great post