how to get in touch with your body

a practice for mind-body connection

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Our modern world encourages disembodiment.

When we’re disconnected from our bodies, we can do things we don’t really want to do. We can tolerate the relationship that isn’t serving us, or work the job that leaves us depleted. We can ignore our deepest desires and focus on day-to-day productivity.

Disembodiment is rewarded in the short term, through praise and promotions and all the comforts that come with doing what’s expected of us. In the long term, it produces a life we don’t recognize as our own.

As a result of this disconnection from our bodies, many people try to solve their problems intellectually. I used to do this all the time. I’d analyze a problem in my life, think of a promising solution, and then try to force myself to follow through. 

Want more confidence? I’d force myself to act more confident. Want to write more? Force myself to write. Want to feel less sad? Just focus on other things!

I thought that rigorous self-analysis would help me become who I want to be. But it didn’t. I stayed stuck in the same patterns.

I still felt insecure. I still didn’t write. I still felt sad—more and more so. Now I saw myself as the problem. I didn’t have what it took to fix my own life.

But that wasn’t true. I just didn’t understand the structure I was working with. I thought I could decide how I wanted to feel & act. I thought my brain could override my body. I thought I could think my way out.

But our thoughts don’t decide our emotions; our emotions give rise to our thoughts. When you ignore or try to repress a feeling, it doesn’t go away. It stays in the body. It finds a way to express itself, for better or worse.

Having more confidence wasn’t about repressing my anxiety; it was about learning to feel that anxiety and giving it space to release. Writing more wasn’t about pushing past my fear & resistance; it was about welcoming fear into the process. I couldn’t abandon my sadness and expect it to go away; I had to meet it with love.

Our thoughts and actions are driven by our emotions, and emotions emerge in the body. To change and transform, we need to meet our emotions where they are. We need to connect with them. We need to become re-embodied.

What follows is a brief description of the practice that changed my life. It’s evolved over time, thanks to new learnings from teachers and books and mentors, but the central idea has stayed the same: connecting to our body with love & warmth, and releasing what’s holding us back. 

the process

This is a process I call “tuning in.” The goal is to meet what’s happening in our body on its own terms, without judgement or analysis.

What we want is to have you practice placing your attention on a particular sensation in your body, in order to deepen your connection with it. This sensation will likely be part of a larger emotional pattern, perhaps one that’s keeping you stuck. Building connection & trust at the sensation level is the first step to unwinding the pattern, and accessing our deeper intuition.

Once you’re familiar with this practice, you can drop into it any time. After a couple of years of refinement, I find I can do some version of it in just a few moments, to help ground myself and restore connection to my body. At the start, however, we want to be a little more formal about it, and take our time.

prepare

Start by making yourself comfortable sitting down. This can be on the floor, on a chair, leaning against the couch; it doesn’t matter. You can also lie down but I find it all too easy to doze off, so sitting works better for me.

Close your eyes and take a few deep breaths, breathing into the belly, holding for just a moment, and then releasing. Keep breathing like that, at a slow cadence that feels comfortable. 

As we breathe, we want to move our attention down into our body. Our thinking mind has been very busy; it’s time to give it a break. Thoughts might keep popping up as we go through this practice; the mind likes to keep chattering away. That’s totally okay. When that happens, gently shift your attention back to your body.

Start by noticing what’s present in your body. Notice the areas of relaxation, the places of softness and ease. Notice the areas of tension, the places of stickiness and contraction. Don’t try to change anything. Just notice what’s there.

Take your time with this. As your attention wanders away from your body, nudge it back. Feel into what sensations are present. If things feel too intense, back off. There’s no rush here. We’re just being curious. What do you feel?

focus

You might be able to feel a few different sensations in your body: perhaps a tightness in your throat, and a sick feeling in your stomach, and a floaty feeling in your chest. Or you may just feel a lack of anything at all, a heavy numbness across your whole body.

I want you to pick a particular sensation. Try to pick what seems to want your attention. Let your intuition guide you. Choose a sensation, and place your attention upon it.

notice

Be with that sensation. Sit with it, without trying to change it. Give it your full attention.

Focus on the sensation, and note its qualities. It might feel like it has a certain shape, or a certain colour, or a certain size. It might wriggle or shift or change. Stay with it. Follow it where it goes.

Imagine that your body is a radio, and the sensation is playing a note at a particular frequency. Try to tune yourself to that frequency.

We’re trying to harmonize with the sensation as we keep it company. You’re there next to it, you’re there with it. That’s all we’re trying to do.

give permission

When you’re ready, give the sensation permission to expand. Allow it to get as big as it wants, as big as your body, as big as the room you’re in, as big as the whole world. Or if it prefers, allow it to stay the same size, or even shrink.

Give it permission to do whatever it wants. Stay with it as it grows or shrinks or stays the same. 

stay

For the next few minutes, sit with the sensation. It may keep shifting or changing. It might disappear completely. It might do nothing at all. That’s all okay.

As long as it is present, for the next few moments, I want you to keep your attention on it. When you drift away, come back to it. Greet the sensation with as much warmth as you can. Welcome it like a beloved guest. Most importantly, be with it.

release

When you feel it’s time to come out of this meditation, I want you to say goodbye to the sensation. But you can also give it permission to stay as long as it wants.

As you go about the rest of your day, it’s welcome to stick around. You may feel some resistance to allowing this; that’s also okay. Try to give it that permission anyway.

The message we want to communicate is that this sensation has a home in your body. It’s part of your internal community. It has space to express itself, and to feel what it needs to feel.

When you’re ready, when you’ve said farewell to the sensation, take a few deep breaths, and open your eyes again.

the purpose

This practice is part of a psychological process called memory reconsolidation.

It’s a way to lower the intensity of certain emotional memories, which are stored in the body as sensations.

That tightness in your chest might be a protective impulse, which evolved in response to a particular experience in your past. Your body learned to hold that tightness as a way to stay safe, and so there’s a lot of emotional intensity associated with that sensation.

Shaming or trying to get rid of that tension only heightens the associated emotional intensity, which teaches your body to continue the pattern. When we shame or reject these sensations, we have less and less access to an embodied sense of safety.

Meeting it on its own terms, with patient curiosity, lowers the emotional intensity, and allows the body to begin to release it. That’s the process you started today.

But it takes time. Some of these sensations have been stored in your body for years and decades. They’ve spent a long time without being heard or expressed.

Today, we opened up a line of communication. The more often you “tune in” to what’s happening in your body, the more trust you build, and the faster these sensations are able to open up and release.

The release of these patterns then gives you greater access to freedom, relaxation, and joy. That’s what I’ve experienced in my own life, over the past few years, and it’s been life-changing. I experience more joy on a day-to-day basis than I’ve ever felt before.

I encourage you to try this practice every day for the next couple of weeks, and see what you notice. Does your body begin to feel difference? Does your intuition become stronger and more vocal? Do you have a greater ability to relax into what you’re feeling?

Here’s a shortened recap of the process, for reference:

• Make yourself comfortable sitting down. Take a few deep breaths, close your eyes, and focus your attention on your body.

• Notice what sensations are present, and choose the one that seems to want your attention the most.

• Place your attention on that sensation, and notice what it feels like. Try to tune your body to the same frequency as the sensation, harmonizing with it as if its a musical note.

• Give the sensation permission to take up as much or as little space as it needs, and be with it as it shrinks or grows.

• Stay with the sensation for a few minutes, breathing into it, holding it in your attention with as much warmth as possible.

• Take a few deep breaths, and open your eyes. Notice how your body feels.

If you want guidance through this process, or help integrating what comes up, you can apply here for my 1:1 coaching.

thank you

This is the third edition of my weekly newsletter, and I appreciate you being here so much.

With love,

Scott

🍊 1:1 coaching with me